The Saga of A Woman (Ode to My Grandmother)

Being a woman isn’t as simple as it sounds. A woman has so many roles in life and rather than the list getting shorter, it continues to grow.

A woman must fulfill so many needs in a family. Although men have or share some of those responsibilities, it pales in comparison to those of a woman. To name a few, a woman is a nurturer (physically and emotionally), a confidant, disciplinarian, friend, bread winner, bread maker, nurse, maid, chauffeur, a shoulder to cry on/sleep on, etc. Unlike men, we enjoy many privileges that are bestowed only unto us such as giving birth to new life. They may be burdens at some time but it shows how important we really are to society.

Due to circumstances, some roles develop in ways one wouldn’t imagine.  The memories of my Mamá Nina are a mix of awe, respect, frustration and disbelief.  As a young child, Mamá Nina was orphaned and taken in by her godparents. At the tender age of 15, she was married to my grandfather Papá Isaias who was 30, a widower, and had 3 young children at home. My speculation for the match was necessity. Mamá Nina’s godparents might have wanted to rid themselves of the responsibility and extra mouth to feed. Papá Isaias was in a situation that REQUIRED a woman since a 30 year old male rancher did not DO housework or childcare. He needed a woman to take care of the home, she needed a man to take care of her.  It was mutually benefiting.

Though their match was completed under these circumstances, it cannot be said that it was a bad one. They were married for 64 years. I was only there for 24 years of it. She was a stern woman that was taught only that which was necessary to survive. There were no lessons on philosophy, poetry, music or even human reproduction. Her lessons consisted of old wives’ tales that she believed in fervently until the day she died, religion, and hard work. She was a devout Catholic who only knew to sign her name, didn’t know how to write a letter, learned to read very little, and prayed the rosary every night from memory for as long as I can remember. She believed discipline to be best served through physical punishment not because she desired to inflict pain but because that’s the only way she knew how.

I heard many stories of her in her younger days of about 30 years old. Drinking home made liquor with the neighbors in the countryside. Staying out late and getting so inebriated, she lost her undergarments. I can’t say that my uncles and aunts at the time really appreciated her behavior and actually resented her their entire lives for it. Although she had fun with Papá Isais, she knew her place and the importance of  a man in life. They were the sole earners of the household.  Having sons meant that they could work and continue bringing money to the family. This is probably why she favored her sons over her daughters. Unfortunately, that belief and that favoritism only led to making her sons into spoiled brats. They spent her money, used her to cover up their illegitimate children, sexual escapades, and emotionally spent her.

There were 9 children overall in the family that survived. By the time I came along, she had been a grandmother over and over with some of the grandchildren being as old as my mother. I am the second child of her youngest daughter. When my brother came into the picture, I saw the way she coddled him and treated him with such tenderness. She potty trained him, fed him, and loved him dearly. I could see the difference in the way she treated my sister and me in relation to my brother.

Along with my sister, we were some of the youngest grandchildren living close to her. She took the time to teach me to mend clothing and to cross-stitch a pattern. She also taught me the basics of crochet and gave me lessons in Catechism. This was probably because I am a girl and was expected to be a good wife some day. In order to achieve that I would have to have great skills in cooking, cleaning, sewing, as well as being a good Catholic. This was probably also her way of showing love to her daughters and granddaughters.

As I grew, I began to realize that in the past, she had never been able to take time for herself. She was the kind of woman who felt her position in life was to do for everyone else. She was not an individual but just a means to an end. She continued coddling the men in the family even after dementia set it. There were times when I would try to sit and chat with her but the only subject she really spoke to me about was religious piety and being a good woman. She wasn’t the kind of woman that was your friend or confidant but rather tried to be your moral compass. Her role was always that of teacher to the women. 

Perhaps I missed the compassionate side of her. Perhaps at one point she was a different woman but no one ever talks about that. All I know is that she never seemed quite happy until she started running her life in her 60’s. She was extremely social when I was a child. She lived day by day through work. When she no longer had to endure physical labor, her job became to take care of Papá Isaias. Even then, she continued working by setting up a tiny commercial store out of her home. She would wheel and deal with distributors to set-up stocking items in her store. It was a way for her to be the breadwinner for once and I believe that she truly enjoyed that kind of financial independence that most women didn’t have. It seemed that the woman was in constant motion. She was indefatigable and a businesswoman.

When Papá Isaias passed, she continued to handle business. It was only when her ability to walk was hindered that she began a steady decline. She confided that she felt there was nothing else for her to do. Although 3 of her daughters took care to mind her every need, it wasn’t the same as being able to do it independently. She could no longer work to make her own money and felt useless. When she was given money by family members ($10 here, $5 there), she saved it and then gave it to her sons. She needed to be needed and getting handouts wasn't the same as giving them. That independence might be one of the things I inherited from her along with pride and stubbornness.  

One day I looked her in the eyes and realized that she was no longer there. The proud and stubborn woman no longer fought. She was ready to go. She finally got her wish to end the daily physical pain and overall exhaustion of having been alive for 86 years with many of those filled with backbreaking and arduous labor. September 20, 2011 will be a day to remember.

As a woman, she had the role of mother, disciplinarian, nurse (home made remedies), bread winner, and bread maker. Due to economics, education, and tradition, two women may not have the same responsibilities and duties. She may not have been the shoulder to cry on or a friend that you could confide in but she did the best she could with the tools she was given. I have respect for what she tried to do within her limitations and am glad and sad that some traditions left with her. She was a stronger woman than most for her time and I will always remember her for the fire in her soul that kept her going through the tough times.

DUPED???

I recently had a terrible experience dealing with my 2005 Honda Civic Hybrid. My reasoning for getting the car in the first place and paying more were the following:  1) It saved money at the pump.  Gas in California was higher than anywhere else...figured it would be a good idea.  2) I wanted to  help out with the pollution problem.  3) I knew that commuting was a possibility...why not get an environment friendly car.  4) I figured that Honda was a reliable company.  5) I was offered a great warranty telling me that the battery replacement would be covered. 

So....when the car started failing, everyone gave me the run around.  Yes, your car is covered.  No, your car isn't the "correct" model and back to yes, it "should" be covered.  In the end, I was told that the warranty had expired on the car because I drove it beyond 80,000 miles in an 8 year span.  Why the hell would I buy a hybrid if I wasn't going to drive it??  It was advertised as a great commuter car since it would get better mileage on long distance trips!  So, Honda makes me what they considered a "generous" offer.  They would help pay 1/3 of the cost of the repair.  So, what's 1/3 of $4,000?  Yeah, only $1320 meaning I would be out $2680 for repairs on a car that's only worth $6k.  Does that even make any financial sense??  The article here didn't think so either.  It's what is called, "the hidden cost" to owning a hybrid.  Yeah, note the word HIDDEN!

This is what I found out about hybrids and the wonderful marketing that went with it.  In reality, the hybrids are not getting the gas mileage that they were supposed to be getting.  This is proven by the HUGE class-action lawsuit that Honda is fighting because the cars are really only getting 35 to 40 MPG.  The suit is True v. American Honda Motor Co., Inc.  Most regular cars get that same gas mileage without having to spend the extra $10k-$25k on purchasing it.  I am part of the settlement suit and you can find it here.


Next thing is that the toxicity of the batteries once they are dead.  I found an article here that talks about some of the environmental impacts that these batteries can have.  By the looks of it, the battery must be replaced every five years or so.  Not that friendly to the environment. 

Also, building a new hybrid, costs more in energy than producing a regular car.  So, that tends to negate the low emissions afterwards.  As noted here, a hybrid is harder to build meaning using more energy such as coal energy to make it.  It uses nickel batteries, meaning there is a higher demand for nickel mining.  How good can that be??  It utilizes plenty of copper for all the connections making it heavier.  In the end...hybrids are just a way for us to feel good and make us believe that we are really doing something when in the end, it's the same crap as a regular car. 

At one point, I decided that I wanted to have a car that does not use any fuel.  I though about the alternatives such as electric or hydrogen cars.  Now that I think about all that goes into building cars, neither of these two is a viable option.  Electricity has to come from somewhere and it will most likely be the burning of fossil fueld.  Hydrogen cannot be produced without electricity as well.  Although they don't emit the pollution that regular cars do, the pollution actually comes from producing the energy source for the cars.  In the end, the oil companies win regardless of what we try to do. 

For too long the automotive companies and oil companies have dictated how we should do things and how technology progresses.  Either way they blind us with pretty things and make us feel like we are doing the right thing.  I should know...I fell for it. 

Too Poor? Watch out, the IRS might just audit you!

A friend of mine posted an article on facebook today about how poor people are more likely to be audited.  You can find it here.  http://uspoverty.change.org/blog/view/audited_for_being_poor

I though the cartoon was very fitting with the situation and how we treat people once they don't have money.  

So the government noticed that this woman was making WAY lower income than everyone else and decided that there was some possible fraud going on.  I mean, how can a woman take care of two kids with such piddly income??  So, one way to solve the problem is to tell the woman that she's a liar and there's NO WAY she can even take care of herself with that money.  Oh yeah, so that credit that we gave you last year on your taxes (Earned Income Credit), ummm, we want it back since we don't believe you really have kids. 

AWESOME!!!  Even though she DOES have kids, because she doesn't make enough money to possibly raise them while living with her parents, the IRS has decided that they must not exist OR since she couldn't possibly take care of them, they really aren't "dependent" on her now are they?!  In the article it says that the GOP have called this credit a "backdoor welfare" credit and tried to get rid of it.  Why are the poor ALWAYS looking for a handout!  Get a job!  Oh wait, I mean, get a HIGH paying job!

So then, my friend (A) and his friend (B) start an online argument.   B says, well, people are overusing the welfare system so if they don't make enough money to take care of someone, then children shouldn't get labeled as dependents.  A says, dude it just sucks that poor people are being audited rather than rich people.  Besides, poor people and their children shouldn't be punished.  And A is all like, we are punishing parents because they shouldn't get credit when they aren't doing anything, besides, it's Obaman's fault because he hasn't created the jobs he said he would.  Um, so it's Obama's fault

I kept thinking to myself...really??  Isn't it crazy that our focus is on poor people "taking advantage" of the system meanwhile rich people take advantage of, oh I don't know, EVERYONE!!!!  Shouldn't we be investigating them?? 


We are constantly turning up our nose at that dumb teenager who made a mistake and is now getting WIC.  WIC that "we" as taxpaying citizens are paying for.  I mean, why the hell would I want to do that right???  Let's see, maybe it's because there's more to being poor than lack of will.  There are soooo many things that go into why people are poor.  We shouldn't punish them for it.  AND, instead of thinking about how much it sucks that we are paying for it, maybe we should get the rich people pay for it.  I know, I know...the whole point of the GOP is to say, wouldn't you hate it if one day you too became a millionaire and you had to pay all of these taxes??  Then again, maybe people just need to TRY HARDER right?


Yeah, because each and every single one of us has the potential to one day be a multi-millionaire if we just simply TRY HARDER.  Ha!  Greatest joke that's played on the lower income people by the GOP to get them to vote against taxes and cutting social programs because, dangit, if you just work harder, the open market will take care of you!  What they are really saying is, hey, let me pay fewer taxes so that I can get rich while you die because you barely have money to pay for food much less for health insurance.  But...I digress.

The point is that we should re-think our views of the poor and not be so harsh on them.  We should quit wasting money auditing people for being poor and focus our resources elsewhere.    

Christmas Tree Rental??

YES, you heard right!!!  This is not a new concept although it's gone largely unspoken.

Every year, trees get cut down for our personal decorative use.  We bring a fresh tree into our house to "maintain tradition" and get that fresh pine smell without using candles or air incense.  After the tree is at home, we decorate it with lights, ornaments, garland, and whatever else we feel like putting on the tree.  The trees always look so wonderful!!!  BUT, then the new year comes around and we take the decorations down and the tree is no longer useful SO we throw it away.  ISN'T THAT AWFUL!!  We, the people who complain about global warming, recycle or compost, and complain about energy costs.  WE are being WASTEFUL.

So, in order to see how many trees we can save this year, I have found a website that will work for the Monterey Bay Area including Santa Cruz and some of San Jose.  The website is here:  http://www.rentxmastree.com/. 

The website allows a person to pick a real pine tree and have it delivered in a pot.  You still have to water the tree and care for it when it is in your home.  The tree can be decorated with most things such as lights, ornaments, and garland but probably not tinsel.  That sucker is HARD to remove.  Once you are done with your tree, you don't have to worry about disposing of it.  The company will come by and pick it up and later plant the tree or reuse it for next year.  You can also purchase the tree and keep it at home if you would like.

I think this is a GREAT idea.  For those of you who don't live in this area,  I'm sure you can google "christmas tree rental" and you'll find local companies.  There are some companies for the areas of San Francisco on http://www.sfenvironment.org/greenchristmas

In San Diego, you can get one through here:  http://www.adoptachristmastree.com/.

Outside of Monterey Bay, it is a bit pricey so I do suggest going artificial especially since you can get a kick-ass artificial tree that's pre-lit and looks pretty dang real for the same price.  You also get to save time and effort since you only have to do the ornaments and, get this, YOU NEVER HAVE TO BUY A TREE AGAIN!!  I know, isn't that AWESOME!!

If you are thrifty with your money, I can guarantee that the leftover artificial trees in January will be like 60% off.  My sister made a killing one year at Macy's.  Let's just say that her $200+ tree cost her around $70 or $80 after the holidays.  Just something to keep in mind.  Plus you get the joy of telling everyone that you are not contributing to the waste that happens every year.  YAY!!


If you're not a big fan of artificial trees, this is one of the alternatives to help from killing trees once a year as a massive group.

Life w/o Parole: Continuing Saga of Minors and their Crimes

Today, Chief Justice Roberts when talking about sentencing minors to life w/o the possibility of parole said, "why not?"  He also said that these cases should be decided on a case-by-case basis.  This was in today's NY Times found here.

Many cases have been handled this way.  There are many external circumstances which should influence the decision on how to punish people.  There IS  difference between killing when you're pissed and when you carefully planned things out.  These are circumstances that must be taken into account.  Unfortunately, murder is one of those things that has had a long history and the circumstances have been carefully placed in penal codes everywhere.

Here, there seems to be some lucidity as to what the law should really be.  Having the flexibility to take a case-by-case approach gives the court the liberty to explore without many boundaries.  Two almost identical crime may be punished differently depending on the person before the jury. 


When it comes to minor's there was a case that decided that anyone under the age of 18 could not be sentenced to death.  If the person committed the crime 20 mins. before his birthday, he would be sentenced as a minor whereas had he committed it only 5 mins. afterwards, he could be put to death.  Last time I checked, I didn't grow a brain overnight on my 18th birthday.  There are no lines between maturity and immaturity.  At least I haven't found any. 

There was the case of Atkins v. Virginia.  The Supreme Court barred the execution of those who are mentally retarded and gave guidelines to determine who qualified.  Every state that used these "guidelines" used them so differently that it didn't give equal justice to all of the people involved.  Is that what will happen with the case-by-case analysis that Supreme Court Chief Justice Roberts wants to implement??

Florida and Louisiana are the top states to send kids to jail for life without parole.  Does this mean, it will continue to allow them to continue their practices so long as they show that they looked at each case individually?  Does that really change anything in the law? 

I think this is a way for Chief Justice Roberts to cop out of changing things by seemingly making changes.  It's the same when California got rid of the "diminished capacity" defense when Harvey Milk was killed in San Francisco.  The state outlawed the defense but then re-worded to the law to simply change the name so people wouldn't realize it. 

People people, do we EVER really change the laws??  I think that Justice Roberts shouldn't take the easy way out, after all he DOES sit on the highest court of this country.  Maybe I'd be a little more comfortable if he really delved into the issues of the case and fought to make sure there was justice in our system.

GUNS!!!

I know that this is probably one of the most controversial subjects besides abortion and whatever else the Republican party is pushing nowadays.  Buuuuuut, and this is a huge BUT, I was raised in Carson City Nevada so I tend to view things a little differently.  It may be the capital, but directly to the west, are the Sierra Nevada Mountains (the woods) and to the east is a great vast desert.  A little bit of history about Nevada politics.  It used to be run completely by hardcore Republicans.  Oh yeah, I remember those days including the day when the state decided to ban gay marriage.  If that isn't super conservative, I don't know what is.

So, back to the story.  Because we basically have nothing to do if you are under 21 and because most people at the time were very redneck, most of us learned to shoot guns.  It was easy.  You got in your car or truck, drove out east for about 15 mins. and voila!  You were in the middle of nowhere with great shooting ranges already set up or dads patiently set out cans to help their children with target shooting.  I was one of those kids.  Trusted at the age of 9 with a .22 caliber rifle.  My dad taught me to load it, shoot it, and store it.  I was also taught not to be scared when handling a gun and if it was in the house I knew to NOT TOUCH IT unless dad was around.  I, at least, had some common sense.

My father was very patient and involved in this process as he used to shoot squirrels in Mexico.  At the age of 12 I graduate to a 9mm handgun.  This tended to be the normal progress.  By the time I was 16, I was shooting plenty more than the previous two.  I enjoyed shooting because you really needed to have skill and it taught responsibility and safety.   I was good enough to shoot in the school team and be on the varsity team 2 years in a row.  I was also the captain and in the top 100 kids in the nation.  I really enjoyed it. 














I had a wonderful conversation with my father today and he asked if I had gone shooting lately.  I told him that since I had moved to California, I found it difficult to go anywhere to buy a gun, much less do some target practice.  California has very strict gun laws especially in San Francisco.  I don't remember anyone's home in Carson City ever getting broken into.  Mostly because most people had rifles or guns in their home and people knew better.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there AREN'T any laws to buying guns in Nevada.  There IS a background check and every gun is registered.  The process just isn't as difficult and the laws aren't consistently changing.  I am now thinking about buying a handgun for myself.  Perhaps it's simply because I'd like to keep my sharpshooter skills up to date but also to make sure that if my home is ever broken into, the person WILL NEVER want to come back.  I believe there should always be laws and a level of gun control but it's kinda unfair that law abiding citizens are limited to purchasing guns when the bad guys can get the guns so easily in the black market. 

I'm just sayin'!  Maybe some people should really look at both sides before marching up and down the street protesting something.  I believe some tend to be rash with their judgments before they can stop and I don't know...THINK!

No more mariage?? OOPS!

In the efforts to ban gay marriage, Texas decided it would pass a law against it.  Little did they know that when the law was worded, they actually ended up banning all types of marriages including heterosexual ones.  The law stated "This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage."

Now, I know it doesn't take much to figure out that one of the things similar or identical to marriage is, well, marriage!!  Oh Texas, be ye not so stupid.   This also means that "common-law" marriage won't be allowed even if between a man and a woman or a domestic partnership between the two.

What problems will arise you might ask?  Well, there's the problem with all types of insurance including auto, home, life, and health.  (Boy, we have insurance for EVERYTHING!)  On top of that, it will wreck havoc amongst those who die intestate or passing property to a "spouse" in a life estate etc.  This would make for one crazy hypo in Property class! 

Kelly Shackelford, president of the Liberty Legal Institute in Plano said the clause was designed to be broad enough to prevent the creation of domestic partnerships, civil unions or other arrangements that would give same-sex couples many of the benefits of marriage.

"This breeds unneeded arguments, lawsuits and expense which could have been avoided by good lawyering," Barbara Ann Radnofsky, a Houston lawyer and Democratic candidate for attorney general said. "Yes, I believe the clear language of B bans all marriages, and this is indeed a huge mistake."

The article can be found here.

Wow, this is a classic case of good lawyering gone bad or neglectful.  I would also hope that lawmakers would be more careful when passing laws and ACTUALLY read the propositions before signing them.  Accountability is key and you can't go on passing the buck here.

I bid you good luck Texas in reversing this cluster fu%&!  Excuse the language but that was the only synonymous word that came to mind in this situation.